To be continued...

So... I leave to head back to Michigan on Thursday!

And I realized over the weekend, that I hadn't blogged in a long time! Sorry!! The moments I wanted to come in my room and blog about an experience were usually the same moments I had to spend time with the students or do some random spontaneous activity!! And both of those options always won out over blogging!!

But I plan to blog about a lot of what God has done in Chi-town even after I return to Michigan. I actually think that may be better, because as God helps me process all He has taken me through, I will be able to share more of what I learned and how I grew! And that was the real purpose for this blog from the beginning!! :)

So, if you want, stay tuned!! My desire is to continue this blog into what God does in Michigan as well! Because sometimes we hype up so much one experience God blesses us with and we forget about all the great day-to-day experiences He blesses us with as well. Or at least, I know I do that! And I want to grow to see God more in the day-to-day stuff too!! So, all that being said, I am going to try my best to continue to blog!

I pray you are all doing well and feeling/seeing God's presence in your day-to-day experiences!!

Looking forward to coming home - but not so much looking forward to leaving Chi-town! But trusting God has a plan for the days ahead... can't wait to see what that is!! :)

Much love!

Let me attempt a recap

Hey y'all!

So, in thinking about what has happened since the last time I blogged... I don't know where to start to try and express all God has done!

The three days I was referring to last week was a poverty simulation we did Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. There are so many details to explain that it's hard to know what to say. But to give you a small idea of what took place... we were invited to take part in a poverty simulation to help us better understand what it's like to live in poverty. And what we experienced is only a papercut of what it must really feel like to live in poverty or be homeless!! We had very clear, strict boundaries to make this experience as real as possible! Some of these boundaries included sleeping on cement without anything but what we may have found during the day to sleep with (boxes and newspapers), 1-3 items we carried with us everywhere, no money, so at many times no food, dumpster diving for dinner, trying to stay warm (because those days were cool), no facilities to shower or clean up, eventually all personal items taken away, very limited hours of sleep if any, being asked to leave businesses or denied service because of the way we looked... Those are some of the details of our poverty simulation.

One other staff and I decided to participate. All but two of the students chose to participate. But by the end, only half of us remained (because you had the option of dropping out at any time).

Intense doesn't even begin to touch that experience!! I haven't even begin to process my feelings, thoughts, the way God revealed Himself, the ways in which He stretched me....

So thankful, though, that God pushed me to do it and so thankful for ways He revealed Himself to me through it!! Sorry this is all so vague! God revealed to me this week that I need to allow Him to process this within me in HIS time, not mine! And my heart's desire is that this all takes root deep inside me - so I am not going to mess that up by rushing what God is doing!!

Isn't it amazing when God deepens your heart for what breaks His heart, it hurts and feels freeing at the same time?? If that makes any sense!!

I am excited to come home next week - I miss my friends and family! But I am struggling leaving all of this! Having such an intense, intimate experience led by the Holy Spirit... you just want more and you don't want it to end!! So, the challenge is how do I bring that home with me!?!? That's my prayer!

I wish I could write more - but trying to make sense of all I am feeling and all God is doing is proving to be quite difficult!

Stay tuned though! I pray God puts some of my feelings into words as the days go on!

Thanks again for all of your support, encouragement, prayer, and love!! I know that is one of the reasons I have been so blessed this summer!!

Much love!

Prayer request

We are embarking on quite the journey over the next 3 days!! I can't write specifics in case one of the students reads my blog, but.... it is going to be VERY VERY stretching!!

If you could bless us with your prayers, we would greatly appreciate it!! Here are some specifics to pray for:
- safety (physical and emotional)
- wisdom and discernment as we seek God's guidance over the next 3 days
- at least some good rest
- that our eyes, ears, minds, and hearts stay wide open to what God wants us to see, hear, and experience
- our attitudes (that they stay positive and encouraging)
- that we feel God holding us close
- MOST IMPORTANTLY, that God deepens our compassion and breaks our hearts even more for what breaks His heart!!!

Thanks friends!! Can't wait to share with you all this weekend about what God has done over the next 3 days!!

Blessings!!

I want to go back to prison!!

Did that title spark your interest or what?!?! :)

So... yesterday we had the incredible blessing of going into Sheridan Prison about an hour and a half south of Chicago to share our love for Christ with the men at this facility!!!

OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PART OF SOMETHING SOOOOO GOD AND SOOOO POWERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

We began the day by getting a little bit of training on the materials we would be using to share the Gospel. Then we started our day! There were two performers, one lady who does mad crazy tricks with basketballs and an NFL player who can do crazy strength tricks and has an incredible story. Both of these individuals were amazing and accomplished the task of getting the men's attention and placing that attention on hearing the Gospel.

That's when God gave us an incredible gift!!!!! Each of us (on our team, staff and students) was able to huddle up with a group of about 10 of the men (inmates) in this prison and share our love and passion for God and His Good News!! WOW!!!!!!!!! That's all I know to say!! They were sooooo hungry for what God was sharing through us!! I don't know if I've ever been in a situation or ever will be again where the people I am blessed to talk with are sooooo hungry for the Message!!! THEY WERE SOOO HUNGRY!!!!!!!

So, God lead through me a group of 10 men in the morning and then we did the entire program again in the afternoon and He led another group of 10 men in the afternoon and let me be a part of it!!!!!

Oh, the stories I was blessed and trusted to hear!!! And how these men just wanted to be heard!! If you're interested in hearing more at some point, ask me about David and Randy, two of the men I had long, deep conversations with that brought tears to my eyes and made my heart ache and rejoice with what they've been through and where God is taking them!!!!!!!

HERE'S THE BEST PART -- GOD ALLOWED ME TO BE A PART OF HIM LEADING 5 MEN TO A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sitting at my computer typing this with tears in my eyes and overwhelming joy in my heart that I am going to see these men again in Heaven at our precious Holy Father's throne!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

I loved going into the prison yesterday!!!!!!! The Holy Spirit was soooo present, moving, and working through us!!!!!!!! What an overwhelming, unforgettable experience!!!

I was soooo nervous going into that experience yesterday!! A LOT of prayer was covering into that experience!!! And God was soooo faithful!!!!!!!

When asked at the end if I would ever do something like this again, without hesitation, I responded, "I can't wait to do this again!!!!!!!!" And after I said that, I was like, "Did I really just say that?!?!" I DID!!!!! AND I MEANT IT!!!!!!! I can't wait for God to bless me with another experience with His Presence and Power in that environment!

What a challenging, stretching, growing, and encouraging experience!! I told the men I was blessed to converse with them and that I was walking out of that prison sooooo deeply encouraged by each of them!! And they looked at me like I was crazy! But it was true!! I told them that them allowing me to spend time with them, hear their stories, and allow me to share my love for Christ and more importantly Christ's love for each of them - that has to be one of the greatest blessings of my life!!!! And the handshakes and hugs I received at the end of each of group times was amazing - the genuine respect and love established in such a short amount of time!!!!! Crazy!!

What a crazy God we serve!!! Who loves each of us with such a crazy, endless love!!!!!! The more our God deepens my heart and head knowledge with His crazy love and Spirit, the more He fills me with His energy and power to do crazy things to bring Him glory and to share that crazy love with as many people as I can!!!!!!

Amazing day! Amazing God!! Amazing, crazy Love!!!

Much love!!

My heart is heavy...

Yesterday, we found out a 9 year old girl was playing in her front yard and was shot and killed. This happened only a few minutes away from where we're staying.

When I was told this yesterday, I couldn't take a breath for a few seconds. And my heart immediately hurt.

I am so thankful that God is breaking my heart for what breaks His heart. But.... I don't know what to do with the ache. And my heart just wants to comfort that hurting family right now!!

And it deeply saddens and angers me that this type of occurrence is simply commonplace! We get more upset when a celebrity dies, than we do when a 9 year old precious girl gets shot and killed out of nowhere playing in her front yard! One of the few places she should feel safe!! My heart aches at this injustice!!

Please pray for this precious girl, that she knew Christ as her personal Savior before she died. Please pray for her family as they are probably feeling a spectrum of emotions right now. And (selfishly) please pray for my heart, because I am both deeply saddened and angered about this! And I want to do something, but don't know what to do!

1st day at ministry site :)

So... (don't you love it that I start most of my blog posts with "so..." :) ) our students started their ministry sties this week!! Yeehaw!! Finally the hands on stuff, the getting messy for the Gospel stuff!! Love it!!

Staff goes with the different groups of students at least two days a week to the different ministry sites. So, this week I went with a group of students to a place called By the Hand - Kids Club. It is an area youth program run out of a local church. It is a year-long program with more intense programming in the summer to keep the kids busy. It was sooo much fun!! We played games with the kids, helped them with their reading, did a devotional/shared the Gospel, and played some more!! The kids in this program go from K-8. What a blessing to be their and be able to interact with such beautiful children of God!!

Here's some pics! :)

This is me and Iris! Isn't she beautiful!?!?

There she is again! I love her smile! She is 8 years old!! :)

This is Kenneth working on his reading with one of our students, Emily. He was not too thrilled to work on reading in the summer!

During our free time, the girls love to braid hair!! So, Iris was working on my hair! You need to have a tough scalp, that's for sure! They're not messin' around! Don't I look beautiful though??

This is me and Kayla!! Isn't she adorable!!?? Such a little lover!! :) Got my fill of lovins from her!!

Here's some of our little guys! They're trying to look tough - but don't let them fool you, there sweet as ever! ;)

Couple of the kids working on one of our student's hair, Ashley!! Yes, even boys can do hair! :)

They loved taking our cameras and taking pictures of each other and being able to see them on the screens right away!! Sooo cute!! That is Daniel holding the camera! He's a tiny little thing! I wish you could have seen his smile!! :)

One of the older kids showing us her mad skills with the carrots!! :)

This was one of the amazing pieces of art hanging in the hallway of this youth center! I love this!! I think it is so beautiful the cross against the rainbow!! What a great reminder of God's incredible love through the promises He gives us!!

So... yeah! I can't wait to go back to the sites this week! I feel sooo alive being in this community, getting to know God's people, and having the gift and freedom to tell others about how much God loves them!! Wow!!

Love ya'll!! :)

Team Building Day

So.... today was our team building day! We put the students into ministry groups yesterday and today we really wanted them to begin working as a team. The ministry groups are the groups that the students will be spending the majority of their time with this summer. They will be going to all the ministry sites each week together and they will be going to church together. So, today was was really important for them to learn to work together, communicate, establish trust, encourage each other, and spiritually support each other as well. It was super challenging, but we had a blast!!! Beth (my roommate) and I took two of the groups and did the activites right along with them! I love this kind of thing!!!! :) Here are a few pics of our hard work and FUN!!!! ;)

Challenged

On Saturday, we went out to explore different ethnic communities in Chicago. There are TONS of them!! This is a pic of the students I took out that day. We had the privilege of going to an area called West Ridge. We walked up and down Devon Street, which has probably 7-8 different ethnic communities represented on that one street!! Including Jewish, Pakistani, Indian, Russian, Muslim, Greek Orthodox, Lebanese, etc. It was amazing!


Our goal was to go and observe and explore each community to broaden our knowledge base and open our eyes to the ways in which each community did life. What an incredible opportunity!! Boy were our eyes opened!!


We split into smaller groups so as to not overwhelm the communities with a group of 8 people who obviously don't live in the community. :) My group after about 10 minutes found a man on a bench and we decided to talk to him to hear his story. He was probably in his 70s, a refugee from Iraq. He has been living in the states for 8 months. He lives with his wife and two daughters. He cannot find a job. His daughters are going to school to learn English so that they can get a job. He lives in a TINY apartment (he showed us) with his family. And they pay $750 in rent with no jobs! They had to leave Iraq because things were so bad over there. We asked him if he missed Iraq. You could see the sadness in his eyes! It broke my heart! But hearing him talk about his life, his homeland, his family, being in America - was amazing!! He wanted/needed to be heard!! And what an incredible blessing it was that God chose us to hear his story!!


We had lunch as a group that day at an Indian restaurant! First time most of us had tried authentic Indian food!! It was incredible!!


While we were eating lunch, out the windows, we saw all of kinds of Muslim men walking to some sort of gathering. So when we were done eating, we went outside and asked what was going on. One of the men told us that they were having an annual Muslim gathering that day. How crazy we were on that street exploring on the day of the Muslim gathering! God is so funny!! So, a couple of our students started talking with a Muslim man - they wanted to hear his story (this was part of our assignment for the exploration). This individual actually was not originally from America and he actually directed us to go across the street and talk to another Muslim man who was from America and who chose to become a Muslim rather than grew up in a culture where it was expected. We found out later that a Muslim (in this area) will talk to someone who is not Muslim if you come from similar areas or origin (born in the U.S.). That is why this man sent us across the street because the Muslim man across the street was originally from Chicago.



We headed across the street and so as to not overwhelm this man and his two friends with him, we again split into two groups. One group approached this man to talk and the other group walked around the neighborhoods on this part of the street to do some more exploring.



Allison and I (another staff) were SOOOOO proud of the students!! Both groups ended up in front of this man and the dialogue that took place between this Muslim man, his two disciples, and our students (and us - staff) was INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! This man was brilliant! He was articulate, deeply intelligent, a leader, persuasive, influential.... and the list could go on and on! And what could have scared our students away, only intrigued them and made them converse more and ask more questions!! This man was not in a place to really hear about the Gospel, he wanted to focus on what we all agreed on and would not allow discussion to go into anything we disagreed on!



But, friends, it was an AMAZING experience!! Not only for the students!! WHAT A HUGE CHALLENGE TO YOUR FAITH TO HAVE A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT!!!! The biggest thing this man could not accept about being a follower of Jesus was the concept of the Trinity. He could not accept or understand the idea that God could be three separate beings and all One at the same time. And honestly, that is a huge concept to understand! And if we're all honest with ourselves, we don't understand it! And we never will completely! We have to at some point accept it by faith! And this man could not do that. But, boy, did the students try to get him to understand! They didn't just simply accept the fact that he didn't get it - they came back with their solid thoughts, ideas, and Biblical, real-world examples to try and make him understand.



About 10-15 minutes into our conversation, other Muslim men (who had come for the gathering) had joined around our group and this man and his disciples to listen in on the conversation. By the end of the conversation, there was at least 20-25 Muslim men gathered around us listening to the interaction!! The man leading the conversation asked at one point how much more time we would like with him - we all decided on about 10 more minutes. But after about 3 minutes, this man looked around and saw the crowd that had formed and said we needed to go our separate ways. He said that if the police came by, they would stop because so many people were gathered and wonder what was going on - He commented that even though nothing was happening, the police would stop and blame them (referring to the Muslims) for "whatever" was happening. Super sad reality, huh??



And the even crazier thing is that for this gathering, there were no women or children present. And obviously in our group there was a few women in on this experience. And what we found out was, this man and his disciples should not have been talking to the women in our group!! He even shook two of their hands in the beginning - however, at the end, once the crowd had formed, he would not shake any of the women's hands. You could tell his disciples, sitting on either side of him, were very uncomfortable that he had shaken the women's hands in the beginning and that he was being as open in talking when women were present!!



Couple things about this interaction were super challenging for me... the first was when one of this man's disciples asked a question (well, asked his leader first if he could get permission to ask us a question). He asked, "Are you a Christian just because you are an American? Or do you actually believe and that is why you are a Christian?" What he was trying to articulate (he had some trouble with English) was are we simply Christians because we call ourselves Americans and "American" and "Christian" seem to just go together? Or do we call ourselves Christians because we actually believe in something and have a lifestyle that is different and that is what makes us Christians?? In his mind, all he saw since he came to America was everyone just calling themselves "Christians" because they lived in this country. But nothing was different about the way they lived their lives.


The other thing that was both challenging and heart-breaking was the influence and leadership this man exhibited. In debriefing with our students after our experience, the one thing many of them commented on was how if this man had been a Christian, he was such an influential and powerful speaker that he could have brought many to Christ through his words and witness! And the reality was, because he is such a powerful and influential leader, he brings many young men in their 20s to Muslim because of his words and witness being a Muslim man!! That being said, why aren't we vocal, powerful, and influential in our words and witness as Christians?? Why don't we have that much passion for our beliefs and the God we serve?? Or if we do have that much passion, do others see it?? Why do we not stop people on the corner and tell them about how our lives have changed because of a man named Jesus?? Wow!!! If our passion, love, and commitment for Christ manifested in the way this man's passion and commitment to being Muslim did.... it would be incredible!!!! Kingdom-growing for sure!!


Sorry this post is so long! It was just so amazing, challenging, and overwhelming that I couldn't just sum it up in a few words! And the words I did use, still didn't do it justice! But I wanted to share!


Much love!!

Let's rewind...

I was up this morning by 5:45am - got myself ready, had some quiet time, ate some breakfast, and now I have a blessed moment to breath and update my blog. I want to share some of the things God has taught me, told me, reminded me, and encouraged me with over the past week.

Last Sunday (my first Sunday in Chicago), as a staff team, we attended an incredible church on the south side of Chicago. And God totally gave the pastor the words to speak directly to my need and to my heart. What a huge blessing after the way I was feeling last Friday and Saturday!!

The sermon was entitled, "When the end of the road is just a bend in the road." I'm just going to write some of the points the pastor shared in his message.
- God uses tragedies in our lives to accomplish His eternal purposes.
- God says, "My glory is more important than your good."
- Whenever my pleasure interferes with His purpose, He allows pain.
- Everything in us that doesn't look like Christ, He is carving off.
- To know ultimately what you don't see immediately, yet you feel it intimately until you take it in experientially.
- Until you raise your hand in obedience, He will not let you see His provision. (ex: Abraham and Isaac - Abraham did not see the ram until He put Isaac on the altar)
- The trouble you're going through is for the future you're going to.
- YET I will praise Him!!

Then on Wednesday, I was having my quiet time with God and the subject of my devotional was "Rest in Me, my child."
Psalm 62:5 - Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
I Thes. 5:17 - Pray continually.

And upon reading the devotional and the Scripture that accompanied it, I wrote in my journal, "God I am amazed at how personally and intimately you love and take care of me!" Oh, how I needed to hear those words! I needed my Father in Heaven to remind me to rest in HIM!! I needed to hear the words from Pastor Ford on Sunday saying God will never let a difficult time in your life go unused! I needed to be encouraged to continue to be obedient to God and that He will take care of the rest!

Oh, I almost forgot! Also, last weekend, one of our leaders, Marc, did a devotional focused around Hebrews 13:20-21 (paraphrased) - May the God of Peace -- equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Christ Jesus. What the study of this Scripture and God speaking through Marc reminded us is that all we have to do is show up! Even if we don't always have the desire, we just need to show up and God will do the rest - He will provide the desire/motivation, He will provide the "stuff", and He will do all of the work!! What a HUGE relief!

So.... I know that is a lot of scattered thoughts and ideas! :) But through all of that and an INCREDIBLE conversation with the leader who is discipling me this summer - GOD COVERED ME WITH HIS LOVE, PRESENCE, PROMISES, AND POWER!!! And I have over the last few days revisited those promises again and again, praying God keeps them at the forefront of my mind and deeply rooted in my heart!!

I am HIS daughter. HE has chosen for me to be here. HE lives passionately in me. All I have to do is lean on Him, rest in Him, stay rooted in His Word, focus on His promises and presence, and SHOW UP!! And He will do the rest!

So, that's what I am trying to do! Take this summer moment-by-moment, relying on the only unconditionally loving and all-knowing God who has 100 times better than the best planned for me! And the beautiful part is I get to take part in bringing this breath-taking God glory!!

I pray you feel His presence and love in powerful ways today!!
Much love!! :)

How could I forget to mention this...

ONE MORE THING - SUPER IMPORTANT!!!!!

THE STUDENTS ARE COMING TOMORROW!!

All of the students arrive tomorrow throughout the day for summer project! Please pray for safe travels, anxieties replaced with peace, smooth transitions, and a really fun day of getting to know each other!!

Can't wait for them to come!!

Love ya! :)

What a blessed free day! :)

Here are some pics from my first "free" day in Chi-town! This summer we rarely get free days just to explore the city and have some fun - but this was one of them!! Love seeing the city and the different areas! We went to an INCREDIBLE Thai restaurant! Coolest area, coolest restaurant, and the most AMAZING food!!

This is my friend Allison and I attempting to use the chopsticks to eat our food! Notice the completely incorrect way I am holding them! Totally scamming you - I have no idea how to use chopsticks!! :)

This is Beth and Beth (yeah, I typed it right! they are both named Beth!) enjoying their Thai food!

This is what I had leftover after I ate all I could eat!! Yeehaw for leftovers!! :)

This is one of the views from our walk from the train to the restaurant. Love the diversity in the buildings!!

We walked down a road to get to the Thai restaurant and walked by all of the these great old brick buildings with these INCREDIBLE doors!! All of them were different colors - brown, black, blue, green!! Love it!! Such character!! Totally reminded me of the Cosby show - picture their house - it'll come to ya!! :)

What a blessing it was to have the day off!! God knew we all really needed it!! Oh and by the way, I am definitely quickly becoming a pro with Chicago's public transportation system!! (Ok, so "pro" may be stretching it a little! :) ) I am getting better though!! It is actually really fun to experience Chicago using the public transportation! It brings out the "realness" of the city! You have the chance to meet all kinds of cool cats!!

Ok, well, more to come on what God has been doing to spiritually grow, stretch, and remind me of His precious promises and love!!

Love you all!!

First day and a half...

So.... the first day and a half in Chi-town.... how would I describe it???

Well... total reliance on God comes to mind!! Realizing just what a HUGE step out of my comfort zone this really is!! Also, totally hearing God telling me, "Steph, you had a little too much confidence in yourself - YOU getting yourself through this. It's not YOU doing it, any of it! It's me!!" Boy, did I lose sight of that!! And wow, what a overwhelming relief that reminder was!!

My first night here was rough! I struggled, big time!! The thought definitely went through my mind, how can I get out of this! How can I go home, NOW!! What have I gotten myself into!

But... God totally filled me with His peace. Reassuring me that I AM suppose to be in Chicago; however, He never said it was going to be easy or comfortable!! That's for sure!!
It's hard walking into an experience like this when you are the only one who doesn't already know someone on the project with you. Again, these situations make you rely on your Heavenly Father even more!! But, I've got to say, I would love it if He could come down here physically and give me a BIG hug!! My prayer has just been that He "hugs" me in mighty ways throughout my first few days here, reminding me I am not alone!!

And of course as many of you know... I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. And Satan has definitely played into those insecurities in BIG ways!! Our team, during our prayer time this morning, definitely recognized the fact that we are under spiritual warfare right now! One of our staff got really sick last night! Another is anxiety-ridden over some medical test results she will be receiving on Monday! I am being attacked emotionally and mentally! And we're all pretty tired! We just took some time this morning to bring it all before God and pray against the attacks of the enemy!! Praying for physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual health!!

But what is exciting is... because Satan is attacking so heavily, I recognize that God is going to do big things this summer and Satan doesn't want that to happen!! So, thankful we recognized it as spiritual warfare and took time to fight that with prayer as a group!!

So... that's about all I've got for now! We had a time last night of getting to know each other, looking ahead at the layout of the summer project, and some fun downtown with a stop at the Cheesecake Factory for dessert!! :) Can't wait to become more familiar with my way around Chicago -so much to see and experience!! So easy to get lost!! ;)

Then today we had training ALL day!! Information overload!! Good to have a better idea of the details of the summer, but.... definitely need time to process! More on that to come...

Well, I miss y'all! Pray you are feeling God's presence and love in mighty ways!

Please pray for me - specifically my emotional/mental health and stability! And that I continue to take it moment by moment and look to God to give me only what I need in that moment!

Much love!!

Testimony...

So... 10 DAYS BEFORE I LEAVE FOR CHI-TOWN!!!!!!! Ahhh!!! That is crazy! I can't believe how time flies! Where did May go??

So, I was working on my testimony tonight. I've had it done, ready, familiarized for a long time, but wanted to go over it, revamp, revise, add on to make sure it was updated for my experience in Chicago. Because our big focus while in Chi-town is evangelism - in many different facets.

Who knew that working on your testimony could be such a healing, reflective time with God??!!?? Everyone knows their story, right?? That's what I thought. And I do know my story, but I'm at a place in my life (praise God!!) where I can see/reflect on where He's taken me and where He is taking me. Does that make sense?? It's the coolest thing when God allows you to see growth in your spiritual life!! I look at my journey thus far... all I can say is "That is so God!" What a patient, persistent, unconditionally loving Father we have the blessing of serving!

So, in taking a break from packing to work on my testimony - God gave me a beautiful gift tonight! I love it that we serve a God who does all of the hard work for us - all we have to do is say "yes" and follow in obedience! Not always that easy, I know! But truly that simple! And what incredible beauty comes from that (not comfort necessarily - but who wants a "normal", comfortable life, anyways!!)!

I reflected again tonight on my favorite verse. Zephaniah 3:17 - "The Lord your God is with you - He is mighty to save - He takes great delight in you - He quiets you with His love - He rejoices over you with singing." And what brought me to tears after reflecting on that at the end of my testimony, is the fact that the God who created EVERYTHING and so much more that we are unaware of - that same God delights in me! Not because He has has to, but because He wants to! He rejoices over me with singing! Not because He has to, but because He wants to! And when my heart becomes anxious, heavy, burdened, overwhelmed..., He quiets me with His love!! Not because He has to, but because He loves me that much! That makes me cry!! That overwhelms me (joyfully) with such extravagant love!! Oh what a beautiful God!!

Couple more things...

One more pic... this is me sitting next to the flowers from my motherland! :)



Ok, on a more serious note...
As Chi-town quickly approaches, I am at a point of mixed emotion - super excited and super nervous! I know that God is continuing to prepare me for this experience He has placed on my journey. But with that, unfortunately, comes a lot of feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. And Satan knows I struggle with this and is taking every opportunity to dig the knife in a little deeper. I continue to ask God to turn my heart and mind to the truth that He is preparing me, and I am not the one doing the work this summer - He is!! I simply need to be an open, willing vessel and He will do the rest. That is something I am reminding myself of on a daily basis - sometimes many times a day!

In addition, God is continuing to deepen my trust and faith in Him and His promises! On Thursday, I found out I am getting laid off from my teaching position - no job next year. And with that news comes a lot of sadness because of the deep love I have for what I do and for the girls in my classroom who I am privileged to teach, know, love, and learn from every day!

That being said, as I have continually said along this journey over the last 6 months, what would faith and trust be without uncertainty?? It's working, God! You are definitely strengthening my trust and faith! However, I would love my job back! :)

But we serve a BIG God!!!! A God much bigger than my job or anything I could imagine to be the "perfect" place for me to work/minister! So, although I am sad, overwhelmed a lot of the time, and at times heavy-hearted, I trust God has bigger, better things in store on the journey He has me on!

My approach at this point is like it says in Isaiah 41:13, " For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
So, I am holding on to His right hand, looking forward to the ride, knowing I am never alone, and trusting that my God holds me tight and won't let go as we continue to journey together!!

Much love!!

Local Cultural Experience :)

Ok, so I have to make a funny here! :)

On Friday night, my friend and I went to Holland, MI for dinner and Tulip Time! Totally didn't plan on watching all of the dancers, but ended up seeing the oldies and youngies (is that a word??) perform!

So, I said to my friend, "Friend, I am going to post these pictures on my blog. And I am going to write about how I experienced a cultural evening in preparation for Chicago!!" LOL Not only did I enjoy this lovely cultural evening, I also got in touch with my heritage! That being my dad came from the Netherlands when he was 7! There you go Dad! I did you proud!! :)

Such a vast cultural experience, after that how could I not be more prepared for Chicago! I'm sure it will mirror this experience remarkably!! lol :)

Buckled in

So, how great is it that when God works on developing a deeper sense of trust in Him, He does it in many aspects of our lives to really develop it on a deeper, more solid level??!!?? I know that I am the type of person (thankfully God knows this too) who needs to learn things in many situations, many opportunities, and on many occasions for it to become really REAL! And that is where I am at right now. God is continuing to refine (and I know this is a life-long process) and deepen my trust in Him. And although it is painful at times, through tears, anger, smiles, and laughter, God is continuing to place on my path opportunities to choose to be obedient to Him and rely on Him where I use to rely on myself, others, or circumstances.

In preparing for Chicago and the uncertainties of what God has planned for my future (within the next 6 months), my mentor put this way... She asked me if I like roller coasters. And of course I said "yes!!". She went on to say, "Think of it this way, you are in line for over an hour to ride this amazing roller coaster. You're all pumped up. Can't wait to ride the new coaster!! You finally get to the head of the line and it's finally your turn! You go to the seat the attendant points you to. Sit down. Then they buckle you in. At this point in your mind (even though you love coasters), you are thinking 'Ok, I am buckled in. I really can't get out at this point even if I wanted to. And I really don't want to.' But the sensation of being buckled in, you're really on the ride, it's really going to take off and happen in just a moment - that sensation is completely settled in. When you were waiting in line, it was still all the excitement and anticipation. But now the time is really here. And you think to yourself, 'What have I gotten myself into!' Even though deep down, you know it's exactly where you're suppose to be and the ride is going to be incredible. So, you do the only thing you can do! Hang on!! And the ride is AMAZING!!! Just like you thought it would be! Yeah, it's scary, but oh so exhilarating!! And at the end, you are SOOOO happy you got on and hung on and rode it out!! You can't imagine not having gone on that ride!"

Well, I'm at the part of being buckled in. :) I know I'm suppose to be on the ride. I'm excited to be there. But I'm also scared at the same time! And the reality of being "buckled in" has really settled on me!

So, my prayer is leading up to Chicago, packing up all my stuff to put in storage, not knowing if I will have a job in the fall, not knowing where I will live upon my return, and not knowing what God has planned for Chicago and how that will impact the trajectory of the journey He has me on - I am praying God just takes me on the ride and I just hang and enjoy every moment - scary, sad, painful, happy, and joy-filled! ALL OF IT!! Uncertainty and all! Because these are the moments where God reveals Himself in big ways and I don't want to miss a minute of knowing and loving Him more!!!!!!!

foreign world... :)

So, I am trying this blog thing! I must say it is kinda weird, but I love the concept! So here goes! I am preparing to go to Chicago this summer to live and minster in the inner-city. Let me take that back... GOD is preparing me to go to Chicago this summer! Much better!! A lot less pressure! :) And I thought, how cool would it be if I blogged about my summer adventure! In saying that, I thought it would be a lot more difficult to start this whole blog thing - so I figured I should figure it out early. Well, it is a ton easier than I anticipated! So, I'm starting my blog prior to going to Chicago. But I figure, God has and is going to continue to do a lot in, through, and around me to move me towards this summer. So, why not blog about that too??!!??

(Wow! I just used the word "figure" a lot!)

So, get ready! What is to follow could be interesting! (and I'm sure very random!) :)